Mama – The one who goes to work 

Working-MumThere has been a great reaction to Ross becoming a stay at home daddy and I’m really happy about the situation. I’ve said it before but honestly despite the fact that minding kids full time is a stressful job, I’ve never seen Ross so happy. He was on The Anton Savage show yesterday and some great topics were touched on. It got me thinking that I should do a quick blog as there are regular questions we get asked and here are some of them with my answers:

Do you mind that he is at home?

Hell no – I love that he is at home with the kids! Who better to look after the kids than one of us. That it happens to be Ross is only a health & financial thing. He gives me regular updates and now through his blog I get to see just how much fun they are all having. You don’t get that with a regular childminder.

Is he alright minding the kids?

Of course he is – he is their dad after all! While Ross was working he was a hands on dad and didn’t shy away from many things. Now that he has taken over his confidence with the girls has grown and grown. He would admit that there were certain things that daunted him before especially about bringing the two Nips out but now he is a total pro and even puts me to shame.

Do you mind being the only one bringing in money?

Yes/No – sometimes I feel the pressure of being the sole breadwinner but I’m guessing that is no different to what any parent in that position feels. There is full reliance on me earning money for my family to survive and that’s a big deal for anybody. I guess I get asked that one a lot as it is normally the male in the relationship that traditionally fills this role.

Does he feel bad that he’s not earning?

Again yes and no – so I think pride can sometimes play a part but again I think this is the same for any relationship were one person works and the other doesn’t. He finds his role so fulfilling and let’s face it with childcare costs being what they are – it wasn’t worth him working. So I guess it’s about how you look at it – ok he’s not bringing in a salary however the money he is saving us on childcare costs is his salary and more.

It must be difficult?

Well let me put it like this, either I was going back to work and Ross would be working too which would mean some form of childcare. Or I could go back to work and have the peace of mind that Ross being at home gives me. It’s an easy pick. As all parents will know when your kids are in childcare they will have sick days and then you have to figure out who is going to stay home with them or there are days you are asked to stay late in work and you have to rearrange pick-ups — I don’t have any of those problems anymore. The fact that their dad is at home and available to them all the time makes life very easy. Happy parents – happy kids. On top of that rather than being in after school care or creche Ross can take the girls out on day trips and to dance lessons etc…

Are you guilty that you’re at work all day – missing out on the kids growing up?

Well unless we win the Euro-millions I think it’s safe to say that I will always have to work so Ross being at home doesn’t change that. Yes when I have a particularly busy week at work or when I have to travel I miss them terribly and it breaks my heart but that is what is required to put food on the table, clothes are our backs, pay the mortgage….. I think every modern parent feels guilty about being away from their kids but sometimes that’s just what we have to do. In fact I think it is good for our two daughters to see their mum in this role – we want to teach them to be independent and strong.

Are there any changes in roles at home?

Not really – the kids are still over the moon to see me when I get home and we still do the same things. Nip#1 still calls out for me at night and in the morning. There are of course small differences – like how the house is kept is definitely different to how I did it but that’s ok. My main focus is how happy & healthy are the kids and I can tell you hand on heart that they are flying. I do notice Ross doing things that I used to do like quickly offering to go to the shops just so he can have a few minutes to himself ;o)

How do you fit everything in?

The honest answer is ‘I don’t’. I try really really hard but you are constantly juggling everything, getting to work in the shortest time possible, try to leave work on time which often means coming home around 4pm so I can do the late calls from home, fit in some exercise (when I’m good I do Bikram yoga at 06:30 AM), spend quality time with the kids, make time for both girls individually and Ross too. Plus we are trying to get our book business back up and running….oh yeah and organise our wedding ;o)) Long story short, it’s not easy and I know from my friends that there are a lot of people out there juggling a lot of balls.

So in essence  yes there is still some stigma around men staying at home to mind the kids however there is a lot more understanding. Anyone with kids knows the struggle to keep on top of finances, providing for your children, making sure they are safe and happy, spending quality time with them and most of all just doing what you need to to make your lives work smoothly.

 We certainly haven’t got this thing nailed and don’t claim to be experts – we are just happy to share our story & journey with you. I am Mama – The one who goes to work
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20 Comments Add yours

  1. Avatar Janet says:

    My husband has been ill. He’s on the mend now which is great but can’t go back to his old career. I will be able to get a job that keeps us better so we’ve sort of reversed rolls now. He is going to look for a job that is part-time around the children (once he gets the all-clear to do so in December) as I did for many years. I am working full time!

    I think you have to do what’s right for your family and it’s nice if one of you is there regularly! All of mine are of school age so it isn’t so bad. At one point, I worked part-time and completed a degree part-time, plus my hubby worked full-time and the children were in full-time childcare around school – they actually loved it but I do feel we missed out! We have to earn money as we have to eat and keep ourselves and our home so we have to do whatever has to be done!

    Thanks for linking up to #AnythingGoes
    Janet would luv you to read…#AnythingGoes Linky Week 69My Profile

  2. I’m th go to work mom in a two mom household. It’s hard. I miss out on things and it makes me sad. The Mrs., she is a wonderful, loving, talented and brilliant SAHM. Our kids are very lucky to have us, who wanted them so badly and worked so hard to make it happen. I often wonder what it would be like to be the SAHM instead of the GTWM… And this is where we are. I think as long as one of you can be there for the kids by day, and you both can be there for each other, all will work out. It’s all about the love and the empathy for all. #fartglitter

  3. It’s really interesting to read your perspective, I don’t know any couples where it’s dad who stays at home but it’s definitely on the up if blogs are anything to go by. Thanks for linking up to #SundayBest x
    Sian QuiteFranklySheSaid would luv you to read…Happy Days: Getting OrganisedMy Profile

  4. It is a bit ridiculous the assumptions that are made about gender and the role of mother versus father. It is both patronising and insulting in many cases!
    x Alice

  5. That’s great that you have found something that works for you both.
    Stupid stereotyping, it needs stamping out. Whether it be a SAHM or a SAHD both do an equally fantastic job 🙂

    Lovely to have you joining in with #MMBC. Hope to see you again soon xx
    Jayne @ Sticky Mud and Belly Laughs would luv you to read…Mums That Mean Business Featuring Pudding and ChopsMy Profile

  6. Avatar James Hopes says:

    It’s all about doing what works for you – every family’s situation is different and there is no right or wrong way I don’t think. As long as the little ones are happy that’s all that matters! #Fartglitter
    James Hopes would luv you to read…Writing Parenting Blog Actually More Time Consuming Than Being A Parent…My Profile

    1. The Missus The Missus says:

      That’s it James – if there’s one thing I learned from being a parent is do whatever works for you. Just because you wouldn’t do something – doesn’t make it wrong for others. Having kids is tough, tougher than I ever imagined so whatever you have to do for your sanity is fine by me #fartglitter

  7. Gosh, I still can’t believe how many people ask if Dads do a go job of looking after their children. They are their father – they will probably always parent differently to the mother…but they are also parenting – not babysitting!

    1. The Missus The Missus says:

      Don’t get me started on the ‘babysitting’ thing!!! I think it’s twofold for men – on one hand people don’t have high expectations of them when it comes to looking after kids and then we they do they do the smallest thing they get a ton of praise “Ah isn’t he great”….as if he’s a dog doing tricks. People have to grow and cop on. We talk about equality all the time but it is mainly focused on woman’s careers/salarys or cultural differences….but men looking after their own child should be a given and it’s not.

  8. You hsve to do what is right for you and if everyone is happy then cool X #mmbc

    1. The Missus The Missus says:

      That’s it! We are always thinking of ways to simplify our lives – this was definitely a step in the right direction x

  9. Really interesting post on seeing the other side of the story. I’ve recently become a stay-at-home-mum and I’m still getting used to the change. I know I’m lucky to have the opportunity to spend so much time with my little one, but there are still good and bad days. Hubster says he would love the opportunity to stay at home. I don’t understand why anyone questions which parent goes out to work – what’s the big deal? x #SundayBest

    1. The Missus The Missus says:

      It shouldn’t be a question at all and to be honest we feel privileged to be in a position to do it. I grew up without a father in my life and it really makes me so happy that Ross is not only staying at home with them but also enjoying it so much.

  10. Great post! I’m sure that this was the best decision for you. Who else could be more appropriate to take care of you kids that one of you, the parents.

    1. Ross Good Ross Good says:

      0I absolutely couldn’t agree more with you. Thanks for reading / commenting & subscribing 🙂 Regards, Ross

  11. Avatar Geraldine says:

    It’s amazing the ridiculous questions people ask about our family situations. It’s even more amazing in this day and age that people question and wonder at a dad being the stay at home parent. You’d imagine we’d have moved on from the stay at home mum stereotype. I admit I’m jealous of anyone who is a stay at home or work from home parent and so is my husband. We miss our daughter so much that it hurts when we’re at work. Hopefully our position will change in the future but for now it’s back to work tomorrow. In saying that tho I also love my job and I’m good at it. If only there was a perect balance. Look forward to reading more from you Mel!

    1. The Missus The Missus says:

      Thanks for the comment Geraldine. Ah I dream of the perfect balance a lot and in particular on those days when Nip#1 begs me to stay home with her. We are all in the same boat though – there are very few living the dream which makes me feel a bit better.

  12. Great to hear your side of the story too hon! I think you’ve hit the nail on the head – with childcare costs being as they are it’s an easy pick. Seems to me like you’re spinning those plates perfectly! Yay to both of you x
    Rhyming with Wine would luv you to read…#toddlertranslations 2: “Dinner Time”My Profile

    1. The Missus The Missus says:

      Ah thanks a million – really appreciate it

      1. Just popping back for a second visit via #fartglitter. Thanks so much for linking up with us :0)
        Rhyming with Wine would luv you to read…Welcome to #FartGlitter – Week 39My Profile

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