17th October 2016 – I’ll never get tired of waking up to be told you’re a featured blogger on a linky!
Mackenzie Glanville thank you!! Brilliant tweet to see first thing on a Monday morning 🙂
— Mackenzie Glanville (@MacGlanville) October 17, 2016
And there’s the badge to prove it hehe 🙂
Huh? Wait a minute? What the fuck was that?!
BOOM – like a size 9 pair of Dr. Martins into me jimmies (that’s my balls incase you’re wondering) this feeling attacked me & infiltrated my entire system from the ends of my ever thinning hair right down to the tips of my toes and every crevasse in between.
Holy shit bags batman – ya see, in all 38 years of my existence on this planet, I’d never had the pleasure of ‘this’ ever before (whatever ‘this’ was at the time – remember it was completely new to me).
It was last Friday (16th Sept) & I was like a bear with a sore arse that had an itch I couldn’t scratch. Not a good combination my friends, not good at all. Normally, this is not how I role. Sure I have my moments like anyone else, but they are few and far between and that’s how I like it to be. My default is not angry, it’s happy, it’s positive etc etc. But not when ‘this’ hit. It’s like ‘this’ just tapped me on the shoulder and said, ‘Hey there buddy, don’t mind me but I’m here to fuck your shit up for a wee bit yeah, and there’s Sweet FA you can do about it pal!‘.
Around bed time (the witching hour) Nip#1 was being bold, not doing a single thing I’d asked. Nothing. Now I’m not happy to admit this, but I blew a fuse for about 15 to 20 seconds big style. I shouted…and it was loud. The Missus was working in the office, heard my raised voice, and she came out immediately and just said ‘Step away, go‘ to which I replied ‘this has been going on for ages, and I’ve had enough‘ (ages = 3/4 days max btw) and I stormed up the stairs. Then the guilt hit me like a ton of bricks.
My Mum passed away many years ago, but I’ll always remember when she said ‘Never hate anything or anybody, hate is such a strong word. You might strongly dislike something, but never hate it‘ . Wise words and she was 100% spot on. But I do hate it when I get annoyed with Nip#1 because she is such a good kiddo. There are no blinkers on here, she genuinely is. I’m so so proud of her and her attitude and approach to life. I mean, the biggest issues we have with her right now is she doesn’t listen, has recently learned how to say ‘No, I won’t‘ and she refuses to eat the majority of dinners we serve her – bar that, she’s a model child. Normal 4 yr old practise right?
But I was wrecked, so wrecked in fact I didn’t realise just how wrecked I actually was. I’d hit the wall. BOOM. On average, I’m ‘working’ a 17-18 hour day each day. Don’t get me wrong, this is not a complaint, I absolutely love it normally but these are the hours being a SAHD or SAHM requires – it ain’t no 9-5er.
Turns out I wasn’t the only one who was wrecked. Nip#1 had started big school three weeks ago and her classes of swimming, ballet & singing had re-commenced last week. It was a new routine for us both after the summer holidays and it just hit me like a sledge hammer when Nip#1 wasn’t playing ball with my requests. It goes without saying, her being knackered played a big part of the situation too. It was however, the straw that broke this camels back.
Myself and Nip#1 made up fast and were best buddies again but behind the smile, I was so down. I felt absolutely terrible – guilty over how I reacted, guilty over shouting, guilty that The Missus had to tell me to walk away. I’ve zero problem admitting that I cried, I cried a lot and it was like every ounce of energy, bounce, normal sense of me was M.I.A. and the scary thing was it all happened so fast. Obviously this (unknown) pressure was building over a number of weeks but even earlier that day I felt normal albeit tired. So when I say fast, it’s in the sense of one thing not going according to plan followed by the rest going to pot! This shite feeling lasted for about 36 hours ish before I finally snapped out if it. Fuck me. Horrible feeling.
When The Missus was doing her SAHM thing during her maternity leave, she’s got exhausted. And I never fully got it. Maybe that’s the man’s default when they have never been at the point. And while I was sympathetic and tried to help out, I always thought ‘sure I know how tired you are, it can’t be that bad’ – boy was I wrong and further to that point, I’m happy to admit just how wrong I was.
So today, I’m back to normal largely thanks for The Missus for taking the Nips away from me over the weekend. That was what my body & mind needed and now it’s all systems back to normal and ready to take on the world. But I’ve learned & now realise how important it is to make time for yourself.
How many of you SAHD’s & SAHM’s have experienced complete exhaustion? Please comment below as I really want to hear from you and how you recovered. Personally, it’s something I seriously hope to never experience again but time will tell on that one I guess.
BTW – Just to clarify, I need to mention this type of exhaustion is nothing like the exhaustion you feel after a 3 day bender pre kids where you can just chill out on the sofa watching Netflix stuffing your face with pizza & jellies to get yourself back to normal. Oh no, this is a whole different ball game altogether!!
Delighted to link up with…