I’ve just checked the date I last posted a new blog – bloody hell Rosser – that is not what I want to be at. It defo is not the standard I’ve set myself for sure. Time to pull your socks up sunshine.
The problem is I’m struggling. Struggling at nearly everything if I’m honest and as a result, I’m not doing anything well. I’m doing enough to just about tick the boxes – just about.
Compared to 6 months ago, today:
- I’m not blogging the way I was or at the level I want to
- I’m not running at all really (had gotten up to 10km end of June)
- I’m not eating as well as I was (considering I’ve 4 stents)
- I’m not on top of our eating schedule
- I’m not on top of the washing
- I’m not arranging enough playdates (for Nip#1)
- I’m not making enough time for me to chill
Honestly? There’s just not enough time for me right now. And it’s not like I’m sitting down scratching me hole, I’m always on the move with the Nips or cooking or tidying the gaff. Yet, come the end of the evening when I’ve all great intentions to get X,Y,Z done, I’m just too bolloxed to execute.
Having said all that, I’m genuinely not losing sleep about it. It’s a gift I have. For those of you who are regular readers, you’ll have read that I can sleep anywhere, anytime.
So what the hell is the problem?
Pretty sure it boils down to two things:
- Sleep – I’m not getting enough sleep. More to the point, enough quality uninterrupted sleep. I’m just waking up wrecked.
- Me time – I haven’t prioritised time for me at all really despite numerous requests from The Missus to do so. Godshite.
First off, pretty sure nearly every parent has these issues so I’m certainly not special here. If you don’t have them, you lucky buggar you!!
Nip#1 comes into our bed a good 5 nights a week if not more. And my good God is she a wriggler. One minute her head is stuck into your chest, 5 mins later, you’ve a foot in your face!! All night long people, all fucking night long 🙁 !!!!!
And Nip#2 is back waking up once if not twice most nights. Awake for her bottle yeah. ‘Bop-Boooooop‘ at 2.37am. Normally it happens just after I’ve gotten back to sleep following a swift kick to the nuts by Nip#1 but nah agh, Nip#2 has other ideas. It’s like she has the camera on me, not the other way around. Jayzus sakes. And holly Christ can she roar!
‘Boooop-Booooooooooop‘ – ‘Yep, yeah, I hear ya, coming sweetheart‘.
As for the ‘me time‘ thing, I just want to be with the Nips & have as much fun as humanly possible. I’m so aware that every day with them is so amazing yet unbelievably precious. You don’t get that time back so I want to enjoy & savour it while I can.
Downside is I’m human. At some point, I need a break. I’m not a machine. I’m just not good at the ‘making time for me‘ buzz. And every now and again I crack because of it. Having said that, two weeks ago I joined a group Ukulele lessons session every Monday evening and it’s the absolutely business. And in the New Year, I’m going to join Toastmasters to help with the oul public speaking buzz so I’m looking forward to that.
A while ago I wrote about exhaustion and I though I’d escaped its clutches. I have though. I think? I really don’t thing it’s exhaustion this time, it’s more like it’s dick-head cousin that has come to visit but has long outstayed their welcome.
‘But you’re not going yet are you? You’re hanging around like a bad smell aren’t ya? I think it’s time you politely fucked off now – ya hear’.
If you pushed me for a description of what’s going on, I’ve have to say ‘Modern Family Life’. Don’t get me wrong here, I still absolutely love the #SAHD life & have zero plans to change it but I’d be lying if I’d said I wasn’t feeling a bit knackered, a bit jaded & in bad need a decent sleep. Copious amounts of uninterrupted sleep for numerous days in fact.
Sweet FA chance of that happening but !!!
OK, so what now?
So here’s where I turn a negative into a positive. Time to change. Bull by the horns, grab & go.
Ukulele lessons – As I said, I’ve started group lessons every Monday evening in a well known Dublin pub called The Stags Head. And it’s absolutely class. 2 hours of learning, mingling, playing & singing.
Meditation – I’ve started to listen to my headspace app again. Not every day, more like every second day but I’ll get back to every day very soon. I was also invited to attend a workshop last week called ‘You’re a Parent‘ and it was absolutely class. My review will go live soon. But I also downloaded the audio MP3 to go with it and I’ve listened to that a few times. Benefits are already starting to show.
Sleep – Using my Fitbit, I’ve set a new sleeping routine. I’ll get a notification 30 mins before my set bedtime telling me to get ready. Ideally I should be in bed and asleep in 30 mins. I’m planning to go to bed early and get up early to do some exercise &/or blogging. I’m starting this new routine this Friday night.
Alcohol – I’m only gonna allow myself to have 1 bottle of wine every two to three weeks. No more drink than that for the foreseeable future. I’m guilty of ‘enjoying’ a few glasses (too many) at the weekends. I’ve only recently realised how much this combined with interrupted sleep is contributing to me being bolloxed.
Running / Exercise – I really really want to get back out running. I love it. It clears my head, makes me feel so much better. Having no energy and feeling wrecked really doesn’t help but I’m assuming when I nail my new sleep routine, energy will improve and so to will my running. Domino effect and all that. Also strongly considering joining a small local gym to help me get my body fat down.
Eating – My eating isn’t that bad actually. I eat well, healthy. However, recently I’ve gone nuts on chocolate. That’s my achilles heal. Need to change that and just get back to eating the way I was just after getting my stents in. This can be easily achieved (I feel).
Look, I’m still a novice in my role as a #SAHD and I’m making mistakes. But I’m cool with that cause I can see them (admittedly always after I’ve done them!) and I’m learning from them ( I think).
What I think is crazy is the fact that two issues we normally take for granted – sleep & alone time – can cause so much mess. They can be powerful friends or equally powerful enemies.
I’d love to hear – actually scrap that – I NEED to hear have you experienced this? Or anything like it? If so, what did you do to get back on track? Did it take long to rectify? Please comment below as I need to learn from others.
Vent over – pheeewwwww, now that feels great! Now where’s me pillow 🙂
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