WELCOME TO ‘HE SAID / SHE SAID – THE BLOGGERS ED’
The reaction to our first post in the Bloggers Edition by Daddy Poppins last week rocked. The reaction was brilliant and I’m delighted to say the quality of our guest bloggers continues so strap yourself in and sink your teeth into this cracker!
The Stented Papa & The Stented Missus
Say Hi to Dawn from Rhyming with Wine
Hi! I’m Dawn. Thirty *mumbles* year old mum of two small humans.
Rhyming with Wine is an ongoing collection of rhymes, mostly about the general silliness & hilarity of our family life …
Because “whine” rhymes with “wine”, in much the same way as “tantrum” rhymes with “vodka” and generally most things rhyme with “cake!”
A little while ago I was contacted by the brilliant (and may I say “newly married” – congrats again you guys!) Ross and Mel, to say that they were thinking of throwing their fantastic “He Said / She Said” series out to guest writers, and did I fancy it?
Did I? Oh yes yes yes I did! I hesitated for a second over the question of whether Daddy Pig (“Rather an Expert” at everything!) would be up for it? Especially as we are due to move house in less than a fortnight as I type this. Up for it he was though!
(We have ways of making them talk – see below!)
SO, WHICH ‘HE SAID / SHE SAID’ TOPIC DID ‘WE’ PICK?!
We went for “He Minds (the kids) / She Minds (the Kids)” 🙂 But as I’m the blogger of the family, this is a “She Said / He Said” version!!!!
I once remember asking a friend while I was pregnant, how she coped with having two young children.
“The key,” she told me, “is to go out.”
These tiny words have been my beacon throughout my child-rearing days so far.
I have come to understand that no good can come from being in the house with small humans.
The walls become bars. (Not the type that serves wine.)
We have a general routine of getting everyone fed, dressed and ready to wreak havoc by around 9am. Then we do the going out bit. Where is not so relevant as long as it’s out. Soft play, farm, feeding the ducks, park, picnic, aquarium, play date, playgroup, anywhere that small people can be small people and there is a fair chance that I might be able to find a coffee!
By lunch time we’re generally ready for home for something to eat. At which point I will usually present the offspring with around 9 different food types in the guise of a “party platter“. The offspring will generally eat one of the 9 items offered. They will then wait for my exhausted backside to hit a chair of some description and immediately ask where we are going next.
We then have a stand-off which generally lasts a couple of hours where I try to stop them from killing each other, and play with their toys while I try to get some blogging important tasks completed. A film is often invoked at some point which either sends them to sleep. (Winning at life.) Or entertains them for around 20 minutes before they ramp up the wanting of stuff to levels that require that we re-deploy the going-out manoeuvre.
We usually end up picking another slightly less time-consuming event from the list mentioned previously. This takes us to tea time.
Tea time is the hour or so where I try to prepare a meal, while the children both take it in turns to shout for random snacks (owing to the lack of lunch taken up). All of these are declined by myself for the most part, unless I physically can’t take any more. In which case they end up with something which I try to convince myself could pass as 1 of their 5 a day (but comes out of a packet).
Activities at home:
Somewhere in the middle of all this there will have been an attempt of sorts at some reading / writing / craft / colouring activity. Not imaginative play though. I really try, honestly I do. But when it comes to drinking pretend tea or being a shop customer I have the attention span of a carrot. My bathroom floor often needs to be urgently cleaned at that time. Whenever that might be. Imaginative play is territory of the in-laws. They are awesome at that stuff!
Over to you Daddy Pig!!!
For the purpose of this post please note that Daddy Pig is not a blogger and has no inclination to “do blogging”. He agreed to do this
because otherwise I won’t feed him under duress on the proviso that all he has to do is talk and I will type…
Daddy Pig: Well they’re more disciplined with me that’s for sure! Are you going to start asking me some questions then?
Me: Well it’s not really a question and answer thing. It’s just for you to say how you mind the kids.
Daddy Pig: Whaaat?!!!
Well I don’t know how to answer that really. I keep them safe, and they’re still here by the time you get back from work. Mainly I just take them through to my mum and dads. Is that it?
Well I don’t really have them very often do I? I take them to the park and do stuff on their scooters don’t I?
*I blink at him*
Let’s think about what we do. We go through to my mum and dads and spend most of the day there and I get fed bacon sandwiches. Then I take them through to Grandma Chicken’s* in the afternoon and I get fed steak. Then we pick you up from the train station and by that time I’ve normally been nagged and hassled to death and I’m glad to get rid of them.
(*Grandma Chicken is my grandma. She has chickens. Just in case you were wondering.)
I don’t really know what to say. I don’t like having to think of stuff.
Me: But if you’ve got them and you have to actually look after them yourself?
Daddy Pig: One of my best ones is building a tunnel in our bedroom out of mattresses and they take a torch in and play. I take them to the soft play at the farm too don’t I? Then we’ll come back and do some more playing. I try to vac up and they try to help me by hanging off the vac lead. Then I normally get that dreaded text from you to say that you’re going to be on the late train so that means I have to make them tea. By the time I come to pick you up I’m pretty much mentally exhausted.
Me: OK, So what happens with food?
Daddy Pig: Erm, well I normally get fed!? We don’t do porridge or anything like that for breakfast because that’s too difficult. We normally do cereal or something. I try not to give them snacks because I like them to eat their main meals. For lunch they will pretty much always have a cheese spread sandwich and some crisps, and for tea you always leave us one of those microwave kid’s meals in the fridge for them so that’s it. Bob’s your uncle. They’re sorted.
Is that enough for the readers?
I like logical mathematical…
*2-year-old throws ball at my head while I’m typing.*
….You couldn’t even hit her head from there!?
Yeah I like questions. Binary answers. 1s and 0s. I’m not very good at spouting crap about stuff.
Oh I wonder if my Dad went to see that Hull City game?
(I assume from this that Daddy Pig’s response is pretty much over. He has apparently moved on!)
Thanks so much to you both for featuring the hubster and I as part of your fab series! We’re both (yes BOTH Daddy Pig!) thrilled to be included! :-0 x
THE STENTED PAPA SAYS
I love it! This posts shows to perfection the difference between Mums & Dads’ minds – doesn’t it?!
Even down to how Dawn has broken the various parts of the day into segments VS Daddy Pig’s ‘I keep them safe, and they’re still here by the time you get back from work. Mainly I just take them through to my mum and dads’. Haha, brilliant !!!!
Personally, I have zero ‘rhyming ability‘ but Dawn can write rhymes like no other so go check her blog Rhyming with Wine out now!
(BTW – Dawn also runs a linky called #DreamTeam AND an Instagram community called #happylittlebuttons – give them a peek too!).
Thank you both – Dawn & Daddy Pig – for taking part in our series. #highfive
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