WELCOME TO ‘HE SAID / SHE SAID – THE BLOGGERS ED’
“Ya know, there’s been some crackers in this series so far so a few nights ago I sat down and re-read all existing posts to date. Man, I laughed my skinny ass off cause they are just hilarious and if I’m being very honest, I’m just blown away by the quality of each of the posts and bloggers involved. And tonight is no exception at all folks – enjoy this little beauty!”
Hey! Fancy getting involved? Yeah? Click the magic button & take your seat!”
The Stented Papa & The Stented Missus
SAY HI TO becca & tom FROM see what mummy says
We’re Tom & Becca and we share our parenting blog, ‘See What Mummy Says’
We blog about our own experiences raising our two children, products we use, and days out.
The name comes from me not knowing if Mummy has already given an answer to the kids, and my cop out answer being ‘See What Mummy Says’!
SO, WHICH ‘HE SAID / SHE SAID’ TOPIC DID ‘WE’ PICK?!
So…we chose the topic ‘He Argues / She Argues’… and boy can she argue…with me, other people, stray cats and the odd sideboard given half a chance!
(I joke, of course – she’ll read this!).
I have been sitting for ages trying to decide what to write for this topic and whilst staring at the blank page for the 100th time, it dawned on me….Tom and I are pretty in tune with each other!
The notebook I am writing this in is a gift for our leather anniversary…the one Tom uses is also a leather bound notebook he got for our anniversary so you see what I mean by my previous statement!
Do you know when you have a dream about someone and you wake up half knowing it wasn’t real, and the other half of you still in a strop with them??!
Well, this is my second attempt at my contribution because throughout the first, I found myself staring over at Becca with a miserable face on, with a rather bewildered Becca looking back at me!
We don’t argue often however, as with all couples, occasionally we do! Annoyingly they tend to be about the same things over and over e.g the mound of washing that no matter how many times I subtly remind Tom that it is there or how many times I move it back onto the bed and add new washing too it…or put mine (and the children’s) clothes away, it seems to get bigger and bigger!
Or for example the feeling of drowning under a more than full time job, paperwork from the job, looking after the little ones and all the housework independently, or so it feels sometimes! I am hoping he will read this and be spurred into action….(yes I know but I can dream!) having said that from my examples I am starting to wonder if I am maybe the instigator of said arguments!
Yes…..Yes you are the instigator…!!
I always feel like the house is never tidy enough, and yes of course I do contribute to the mess – and working from home with lots of small humans definitely contributes – but when we have ‘the discussion’ about doing more to help around the house I get the usual
“It looks clean enough to me!“
That is until he wants to have a moan about the mess and then anyone would think it is the untidiest house he’s ever walked into (or so it seems by his dramatic outburst…and people think I am the dramatic one!) and of course it is MY fault there are toys still out and in ‘every space’ …not the two little munchkins who live here and so another disagreement begins”.
“Like, two paragraphs ago you said we don’t argue much…10 lines later and we’ve started another?!?!”
The above is a technique that Becca has used often in the past, knowing that I will literally burst into a cleaning frenzy if she says I could do with pulling my weight more…but I’m wise to you now! 😉”
We have a very open relationship (no not sexually, although each to their own) but in relation to expressing our opinions – we have always voiced any issues or opinions but occasionally things do boil over and an argument begins.
This is where we are very different…
I am a talker and a thinker. I hate a disagreements having no clear resolution, I like to say my piece, hear Tom’s piece (aka pathetic excuse why XYZ hasn’t been done…only joking my dear!) and put a plan in place going forward.
Tom on the other hand starts the same as me, we each have our say then rather than finding a solution he says we have discussed it before and thinks it’s over….I remind him I don’t want to be having the same conversation in a week because we haven’t actually resolved anything and have instead brushed it under the carpet and this is where we differ.
In fact we aren’t very similar at all but that seems to work for us (we aren’t opposites but let’s just say I don’t think we would have been matched on match.com”!
Open relationship?? Quickly clarified there ma’dear!!
I actually agree…Becca is definitely a talker! I prefer to go somewhere quiet, calm down and let Becca calm down also.
‘Don’t you walk away from me‘! – Becca booms behind me.
I think we could discuss work effort and how much we both do around the house every week for the next 26 years and we still would never truly appreciate what the other person does…or doesn’t do in Becca’s case 😊
We are certainly different – Becca loves cake, I’d prefer a pastry – she excelled in sport, I love playing music…but being different is healthy right? Apart from the cake and pastries obviously.
One thing I have found that we have very different opinions on is Christmas (yes the dreaded C word but let’s be realistic here it is almost October!).
This year we are hosting lunch for both parents (previous years has seen us drive between various family members houses to ensure we see everyone but this year we are staying put!)
Now, as with most couples I suspect, when we got together we had the usual convo of Christmas traditions and set about combining them to begin our own traditions. There was a little compromise on both sides and we were away… and then B was on her way!
It involved more compromises to set in stone ‘Our Family Traditions’. We spent the most time discussing breakfast (an on-going debate)…when I was younger it was sausage rolls for breakfast and as we got older this changed to stollen.
Toms family always had a fry-up (the idea of a fry up then Christmas lunch a few hours later I just can’t get my head round so we tend to have stollen and Tom makes himself a bacon sandwich or similar)!
Wow! I knew we should have chosen the topic ‘She goes completely off topic / He tries to bring it back around!”
I’ve never heard anything as strange as sausage rolls for Christmas Day breakfast. I like a pastry, sure…but that’s not going to stretch my stomach for what will be the largest lunch of the year!
The fry up was merely a sensible bit of preparation. Thankfully, this has been more of an ongoing discussion rather than an argument, but one that’s easy to compromise on.
Becca can eat cake for breakfast, along with the kids I’m sure…and I’ll eat as much fried food as I can stomach that early in the morning!
You can imagine the horror this year then when we are sorting out several meals and the famous CHRISTMAS LUNCH!
Tom wanted a classy affair…I like a touch of ‘tat’ as Tom calls it e.g. I wanted little cutlery holders in the shape of Santa’s hat but apparently that didn’t fit in with his royal highnesses’ posh affair
(I managed to get some Christmas loo roll so there is some ‘tat’ at least… apparently the toilet accessories are too much so I will save that discussion for another year)!
The odd bit in the darkest corner of the lounge I can tolerate…but I feel covering the toilet in a big Santa face is just a step too far…not to mention just a bit gross…I’m 31 and my aim isn’t always fantastic so a house full of children, and that thing is never lasting the season! Urgh!”
Yes it could be unhygienic, but there is this wonderful invention called a washing machine…
and yes, I know you would struggle to locate this and sometimes I don’t know if you have heard of these devices as they are never used by you but still…
We tend to bounce off each other and luckily when something is too much for one of us the other is usually able to hold it together with the very odd occasion where the pursuance is a little too much for us both.
We do bounce off each other, but we are trying to lose weight…!!
I think it is healthy to be able to debate, discuss, have conflict and still be as strong as ever (we will see if Tom agrees or not by my marital status when he has read this!).
Once an argument has finished (and ideally been resolved) we tend to go back to normal almost instantly.
One thing we always have maintained is to never go to sleep on an argument.
It must work and we can’t argue often as B says ‘stop arguing’ whenever we have a small discussion *laughing crying face*!!
It’s been quite healthy doing this for sure (cheers Ross!)…it’s confirmed to me that we know exactly what we both dislike and what causes arguments…but it still doesn’t stop them happening!
Anyways, I’m sure you all have your own arguments to be getting on with!
Have fun! (But make up before you go to sleep!).
Tom & Becca 🙂
Thanks a million guys for taking part. Really enjoyed your post. I wondering if everyone who reads this post, can you give Tom & Becca a follow/like etc on all the usual channels?
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