He Said / She Said #1

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So I’m absolutely gonna come off the worst in this one but I thought I’d start this man v woman ding dong off by poking a bit of fun at ……myself 🙂  feck it, why not. It will however make me look a bit thick if I’m honest – or maybe I’ll let you guys be the judge of that.

So I’m going back to when The Missus was preggers with Nip#1 in 2010. We were also living in Cork at the time, not that that has anything whatsoever to do with the story!

Now, in my defence, before I became a Dad, I never had any exposure to new born babies. I’ve only one brother who doesn’t have children and none of my mates had kids at the time but that’s all changed for the majority of them at this stage. So zero access to babies. We had however, a beautiful golden labrador called Lumpy (who sadly is no longer with us) and she is key to the story.

Anyway, enough shite talk, let’s do it….

‘He Said’:

When The Missus told me she was pregnant, wow, what a feeling. I was on cloud nine and I couldn’t get off nor did I want too. I was signing up to every and any kind of ‘Mummy & Baby’ site I could locate (thanks to copious amounts of wine I might add).

Anyway, one day I decided I wanted to figure out how much nappies would cost per day/week. (It’s also worth noting that I self appointed this really important task to myself one night just to make it look like I was doing something!). Self justification is crystal clear when you’re on your forth or fifth glass of plonk.

So the next day I strolled into Dunnes in Ballincollig SC to check out the prices per pack. Just to repeat myself, remember I’ve never had any access to babies so the price of a packet of nappies was completely alien to me.

Anyway I worked it out in my head that the price was actually pretty reasonable. ‘Jayzus, that’s not too bad ya know‘ I said to the Missus when I found her – happy that I actually did something which was baby related. (I also picked up a 6 pack while I was in Dunnes, ya know while I was there like. Probably signed up to more ‘Mammy & Baby’ sites that night too).

How do you work that out?‘ said The Missus when I told her how much nappies would cost us.

Well, if ya feed the baby in the morning and then again in the evening, this will allow baba to shite once, possibly twice, so you just change the nappy twice a day to cover all angles, so that works out at roughly 57 cents per nappy so €1.14 per day’ (as I crack open a cold one feckin delighted with meself).

Ya bollox ya‘ she quickly replied. ‘Change a babies nappy twice in 24 hrs?! Where are ya getting that shite from?’. So it’s at this stage of the conversation that I’m starting to possibly think I might have fucked this one up (my only self appointed baby related task I might add). So I reply, ‘well come on now, sure I feed Lumpy once in the morning & then again at 6pm and sure she only shite’s once a day and sure look at her, ha’!

Moral of the story – if the dog gets fed twice and shits once, then naturally the baby gets two nappies a day….

…. Turns out I was wrong. Go figure.

VS

‘She Said’:

So there we were in Dunnes doing the shopping as you do. Ross was hanging out in the baby section which I thought was very cute – the ole daddy to be checking out baby products. To be fair as a first time mum to be I was busy researching all things baby such as what you need for your hospital bag, what to expect during the pregnancy, what to expect the first few weeks, what products are good for babies….I could go on and on.

But Ross hadn’t started on the ‘research’ thing – he was more than enthusiastic at the thought of baby coming but that’s where it stopped so it was lovely seeing him check out the baby section. Coming away he had a big grin on his face so I knew there was something going on. Then out he came with it – “Everyone always says how expensive nappies are but I’ve just checked it out and they’re not actually that expensive at all“…so intrigued I asked “how did you work that one out?”

When he told me his concept I nearly fell over laughing….you see Ross has come out with some humdingers but this one was classic Ross. “Two nappies per day” big smile still on his face….”That’s only 1.14 euro a day, about 8 euros a week – that’s not bad“…“Two nappies a day, where did you get that one from?” I replied …”Well we feed Lumpy twice a day and she only goes once so…..” and out come the rest. His face was full of eagerness and that kinda ‘look how good I’ve done’ but that didn’t stop me laughing.

So I had to put him straight, when he heard that sometimes you could go through 10 nappies a day, let’s just say to use his terms, he almost shit his pants ;o)


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