He Buys / She Buys

He said / She said
Tales of Man vs Woman !

HOLD THE PRESS!! 16th January 2017 – #DreamTeam crew has selected this post as one of their featured posts of the week and we’re dam proud to add our ‘Featured Bloggers’ badge 🙂

Rhyming with Wine

How do folks. We are back with the fifth post in our very popular ‘He Said/She Said’ series and this time it’s all about the moula and how we both think & deal with buying shit in ‘He Buys/She Buys’.

Nutshell version:

I’m not a hard sell – at all. If I like something & can afford it, I’ll buy it.  Whereas The Missus will agonise over a purchase for what seems like forever – she’s a sale persons worst nightmare – I should know, I was in sales for years before becoming a SAHD & I’d have hated dealing with her!

I’ve seen her take something to buy (for herself) and by the time she gets to the checkout, she’ll have talked herself out of buying it!

The problem is buying for herself – she buys for me & the Nips all the time.

Man from MarsHe Said:

So let me get this part out of the way immediately – I was a ‘QFA‘ for 10 years. What the fuck’s a QFA when it’s at home? ‘Qualified Financial Advisor’ that’s what. Ya know, good with money. Knows where to put it to make a killing, retire early and swan off into the sunset to sip pina coladas and all that bollox.

Expect I’ve none of that sorted out. Nadda, Zip, Fuck All. Ya see, it was a double edged sword – on one hand I was good at giving advice to clients regarding their Pensions, Life Cover & Savings etc etc but I was useless at taking my own advice. Fact.

Back then I’d no problem living above my means. I’m talking my mid 20’s to when I turned 30. Big Balls with the great job but loans coming out of my ass in secret. But it never bothered me.

I was earning extremely good money for a young fella. Great job with a great small brokerage and a dynamite mentor who is still a great friend today. I started off working there just gone 20, working part time hours  M-F 9-1pm filing away photocopied documents for their clients. Admin basically.

I worked my way to Junior Partner by the age of 30. I’d studied for my exams and then progressed into sales. The future was rosie. Then the big fat arse fell out of the financial world closely followed by the global recession. Well fuck, shit & bollox.

My problem was that as soon as I got a raise, I immediately got a loan. And I do mean immediately. Loved hearing the words ‘Mr.Good, you’re approved‘ – and Dick-Head-Dave here would say ‘Nice Nice‘ – feckin idiot.

I’d only have one loan cleared, and I’d go again. To buy all sorts of crap that I just didn’t need. To go on the piss and have a great buzz but with what to show for it? A big fucking monthly repayment with even bigger interest rates that I conveniently ignored each and every time, that’s what.

QFA yeah? ‘Qualified for Fuck All‘ more like.

Easy Sell:

Going back to the ‘I’m not a hard sell‘ part. When The Missus reads that part, she’s gonna piss herself laughing. I just don’t quantify things – I just see it, think that looks cool, convince myself it’s a good deal and boom, it’s a done deal baby.

BTW I don’t just spend for the sake of spending, I get zero kick from that. I do however buy fast when I like it. No messing – get in, get out, job done.

Say I saw an advert for a sports product for example, my buying process probably runs like this….

I’ll stand there watching, my eyes will expand, one eyebrow will raise, I’ll start nodding away to myself, I’ll say ‘Hummmm’ (a few times) – fuck it, I’m sold’. To add insult to injury, I’m a sucker for those ‘Only €17.99 p/w (for 3 yrs yeah)‘ or ‘Spread the cost in 3 easy payments‘.

  • Me:Yep, that’s looks the business right there, I could do some damage with that alright – jayzus, that’s it, that’s exactly what I need to get fit’.
  • The Missus:I know well you will, sure you spent more than 30 seconds watching it, you’re a site, the easiest sell ever‘.

She’s correct – as per usual – but she is correct.

My Best Buy:

In 2007 I bought a brand new car – Opel Astra 1.4l 3 door hatchback sports – brand new! Very proud day being honest.

I loved the look of it so I popped into the sales showroom, sat in the drivers seat to get a feel for it. I pushed a few buttons and thought, ‘Yep, this is it – this is the car for me’. So I turned around to the salesman and said ‘Have you these in stock? In Silver Yea? …. Ya do? Nice, I’ll take it‘. Went for a test drive and bought it – fact!

No feckin messing about. No long drawn out ‘will I? / won’t I?’ shite. I knew I wanted it and the test drive confirmed it. Sign here please Mr. Good. Done.

My Worst Buys:

(a) In a previous relationship (around 2005 at a guess) we went to Andalucia to stay in the Marriott in a very heavily subsidised 3 day trip. In return we had to attend a 2 hour talk about their time share options. After initially telling them I 100% wasn’t interested in it – guess what?! Yep, Dick-Head-Dave strikes again – I only went & bought the fucking thing. Another loan for good oul big-balls – all €17K of it (if I remember correctly).

But it was cool, cause they brought over a free bottle of Champagne – winner winner. Yeah right. Monthly repayments of approx €370 before you got to spend your week there – for 5 years. In fairness the place was quality, it really was but want to hear the kicker? I broke up with that girl about 3 months later and couldn’t keep up the repayments. I had to borrow money to get out of the agreement after paying about 6 months and I never got to use the fucking place. Genius.

(b) In 2007, Myself & my brother went 50/50 and bought an apartment in Dublin. Off the plans. €380K for a 2 bed, 700 Sq ft., buy off the fucking plans apt. – Jesus H Christ, what were we smoking? But I have to say, it is a really cool apartment but after the arse fell out of everything, it’s not worth the paper it’s printed on. We are not unique here, so many fell into this trap.

Why I’m an easy sell:

Having been in sales for a good few years, I know the work that a sales person has to put into winning a deal. It is not easy. In fact, it’s bloody hard. It’s pressurised. Sales can be your best friend one day, and your worst enemy the next.

When I was in boarding school and was head of a dorm, I use to sell toasted sandwiches to each student at night for IR£1. I’ve sold videos & DVD’s. I worked door to door as a Kleeneze / Avon / Vodafone rep in Dublin/Wexford/Cork.

So I like to ease the burden on the sales person – their commission on a sale can range a lot – in some cases it can be all they get – trust me I know.

He Buys/She Buys:

That’s how I roll. The Missus, it’s over to you 🙂

Woman from VenusShe Said:

So I think it’s fair to say that I’ve never been a great shopper, it’s not my thing and for the most part I don’t enjoy it. I think it possibly stems back to my childhood- I grew up with a single mum and money was tight. I was always keenly aware of the cost of things and it was rare when I could pick out exactly what I wanted. So when I do go shopping I turn every penny trying to decide if it’s a good or bad buy. That said like a ton of other mums, I’m ok with buying for others.

Shop & Drop:

So I have this thing which Ross mentioned earlier in that I can walk around a shop picking up bits and pieces but most of them will be gone by the time I get to the till.

Literally I talk myself out of things as I walk around the shop which is handy when you pick up mad stuff in Lidl or Aldi like a welding kit that you know you just don’t need but it is more frustrating when you put back things that you actually need/want.

A great recent example was that I was in House of Fraiser and tried on a beautiful coat. It looked lovely on and was only €90 but somehow I left it there as I didn’t want to spend that much on myself! In that trip I bought various pieces for Nip#1, Nip#2 and Ross but nothing for me. When I did go back to the shop (weeks later) the coat was gone and I was disappointed 🙁

Salesman’s nightmare:

Ross has always said I’m a salesman’s worst nightmare and I have to admit he’s right.

I need to research what I’m buying and have all the details so I really don’t have time for anyone coming to the door to try to sell me something quickly. On the other side of that Ross was that person so he has a different perspective on it.

So one fine day a telecomms person came to our door trying to sell us broadband and Ross took him in and was all on for it. He did mention that I would need to look at it so by the time this guy got back to us I had a a ton of questions – I had taken his information sheets and written questions all over it – some of which he couldn’t answer. The poor guy – to be fair to him – I work in IT so I had literally pulled it apart.

He came back twice and in the end we didn’t go with it and as Ross said the deal was probably only worth about €30 to that guy – not great.

Big Buys – Big Nightmares:

I went to buy a car and it took me 4 months to decide. I felt it was a big buy and I really wanted to be sure I was right in my decision (seems like Ross took 4 minutes with his!?!). So I researched, test drove, researched some more – actively asked mechanics, rental companies….pretty much anyone I thought would be able to provide insights. Even at that I struggled to make the decision.

I won’t even start to tell you about buying a house!!

Easy spend:

There are certain areas I have no problem spending money – buying pints on a night out, getting presents for others or just general stuff for The Nips & Ross. That said presents can take me months to plan….there have been some gifts I’ve given Ross that have literally taken weeks/months to plan.

A Balance:

I think our different approaches to these things probably balance us out somewhat. Although I am definitely the money worrier, that’s ok, it keeps me focussed. Ross is always pushing me to spend money on myself and every now and again I listen….I should maybe listen more often.

He Buys/She Buys:

Fair to say we are just a tad bit different with money?!

Your thoughts?:

We can’t be the only ones – right?! What’s your mindset on this? Are you me? Are you the Missus? Let us know in the comments below folks!!

I love linking up with…

DIY Daddy Blog
Modern Dad Pages
The Diary of an 'Ordinary' Mum
Rhyming with Wine
Quite Frankly She Said Sunday Best
Reflections From Me

34 Comments Add yours

  1. Really great get insight into how others see money and spending. After I became a mum I was all about spending only on my kids, I never brought anything for me. But a couple of years ago I started buying things I love for me. Steve and I have very similar money values actually. I remember when we were told by the church we had to do pre-marriage counselling and we had to separately answer questions about finance and raining kids and other stuff. We almost answered identical it was quite strange. My mum was and still is a spender and she would hide things she brought from my dad, although he wasn’t naive. My dad was a saver, so I think I am a mix. I love to buy things I love, I love shopping, but I will never go into debt for anything except our home. Steve is the same. We buy things but only if we know we have the money. So it works. #mg

    1. If it works for you guys then that’s all that matters 100%. And it’s very funny that you answered the pre-marriage Qs the same, that is unusual !!! Thanks a million for reading, commenting & sharing!!! Speak soon, Ross. #mg

  2. This was a really good read!! OMG at the time share though lol. Its the opposite way around in our house…I couldnt tell you the last time my partner bought anything at all, he always insists he “doesnt need anything” and basically wears the same clothes until theres holes in them whereas I feel hard done by if I dont have something new every fortnight…Im such a spendaholic! Even worse when it comes to the kids! Thanks for joining us at #sundaybest, hope to see you again tomorrow x
    Hayley McLean would luv you to read…Top Tips For Disneyland Paris Part 2My Profile

    1. Haha, yeah the timeshare purchase wasn’t exactly the best idea I’ve ever had that’s for sure!!! It’s funny cause a lot of men I know are like that, me included – must be in our DNA or something. The Missus made me throw out my favourite jeans cause of the state of them. I still miss them hehe. Thanks for reading & commenting. Can’t wait for your course to start on Wednesday!!! Cheers, Ross #SundayBest

  3. Avatar Wendy says:

    This sounds very familiar. My husband loves spending money where as I am much more of a worrier. Like you and your wife, I think our different approach to money helps to make a good balance. #mg

    1. Yeah I agree as it works out well for us and I think that’s the important thing. Cause if it didn’t, well that’s a whole different ball game altogether haha!! Thanks a million for commenting Wendy. Cheers, Ross #mg

  4. I’m terrible at spending money on myself and will agonise over everything. With things that are really expensive my hubby will research the hell out of it first but if it’s something he really wants we all know he’s going to get it. He’s always trying to get me to spend more on myself but I never do, so every now and then he’ll just go online and do it for me (new phone, handbags, clothes etc, all bought by hubby because he knew I wanted them but would never actually buy them).
    Alana – Burnished Chaos would luv you to read…Words To Live By #15: Learn Something NewMy Profile

    1. You are the exact same as The Missus! Although she is getting a bit better on buying herself stuff. And lucky you for having a hubby to go online and buy products for you, he’s making the rest of us look bad ya know hahahaha 🙂 Sorry for the delayed reply, crazy week. Just about to pop over and read your Words to Live By now. Thanks for sharing Alana and for your ‘Column’ suggestion – it’s has us seriously thinking about approaching a number of publishers. Nothing ventured, nothing gained and all that!! Chat soon, Ross. #mg

  5. Avatar kerry says:

    I HATE shopping, I have recently lost 2 stone and I’m clinging on to my very baggy pants because the thought of going shopping for more brings me out in a sweat! Throw two children into the mix of it and it finishes me off!! I’m like your wife ill grab something I like go all the way to the check out and put it back!! Think ill have a bash at the “online” shopping, once you click “checkout” there’s no going back!! AAarghh!


    1. You do the same of The Missus?! Holy Jesus I never thought I’m meet another person like that (albeit virtually!) 🙂 Being honest, I’m not the biggest fan of shopping so it really helps that I don’t waste time when I go – I’m a ‘grab & go merchant’, I see it, like it, I buy it – job done!! But I agree with you that shopping with the Nips certainly adds an extra layer of stress!! Thanks for reading & commenting, Regards, Ross #SundayBest

  6. Me and my Hubby are just like this, very different spenders. My Hubby is always one for a good deal and will haggle for anything he’s buying (and I mean anything!) whereas I’m a sucker who’ll pay whatever the tag says! Love your He Said/ She Said series! Thank you for sharing with #bigpinklink
    Hannah G, The ‘Ordinary’ Mum would luv you to read…Big Pink Link #45My Profile

    1. That’s gas Hannah! Much like us, you’ve defo got a Ying & Yang vibe going on there for sure!! To me, it makes a great partnership and one further thing to slag each other about over a beer & glass of wine!!! So glad you love our series – I’ve big plans for it for this year so I’ll be in touch to you shortly about that !!!! (Cryptic or what ha?!). Chat soon. Ross. #BigPinkLink

  7. Avatar meg says:

    I loved this post! I am very similar to you, the only thing is, I buy online – I absolutely going into shops and standing in line. I have no problem spending the money but when hubby gets home, i tend to feel bad for spending (no matter how big or small).

    1. Really glad you loved this and can relate to it!! I don’t shop that often (i.e. clothes etc) but when I do, I normally have to do it on my own and like you, I ain’t the biggest fan of standing in big lines! But when I like something, BOOM it’s done fast. Get in, Get out. Happy Days!!! Thanks for commenting, Ross.

  8. Loved reading this. My OH and I are very different in the spending department. He’s a bit like your Mrs. He’ll agonise for ages and rarely buys himself anything. I, on the other hand, can’t have money in my pocket for too long or I’ll implode! Now that I’m no longer earning, I’ve had to curb my I suppose! #DreamTeam
    Sinead (shinnersandthebrood.com) would luv you to read…Six Nuggets of Wisdom from 2016My Profile

    1. Yeah, by the sounds of things you are spot on. I’m You & Your hubby is my wife (as strange as that sound when you read it haha). So glad you loved reading this, thanks a million for that and for commenting. Cheers, Ross #DreamTeam

  9. I am definitely more like the wife – I research everything!!!! My husband is more like you – sees it, likes it, buys it. On the whole it works fine for us, but I do get annoyed when he buys something and I know if he’d done a bit of research he could have got it for half the price (example – we bought each other the same cookbook for Christmas, but I paid half of what he did. But bonus was that he took his back and I got the money to spend on some blogging stationery! So I guess I won in that case!). Very funny post and just shows how everyone is different. #DreamTeam

    1. Yep I’m defo the ‘see it, like it, buy it’ merchant. Have to say, I don’t really do the research thing either but I’m not afraid to bargain. The Missus however is a dynamite negotiator – I’ve seen her in action where she saved over €4,000 off a new car once when I would have bought it way before that so I can absolutely learn from her that’s for sure 🙂 Really happy you got a giggle, thanks for commenting. Regards, Ross #DreamTeam

  10. Avatar Alan Herbert says:

    I hate shopping!
    I hate Salesman!
    I hated being a Salesman!(probably why I was crap at it!)

    Since having kids I’ve turned into scrooge and hate spending money we don’t need to. Mrs OMG is the other way round. If there’s spare cash the kids get new clothes or a takeaway!!

    Thanks for linking up #wineandboobs

    P.S. An ASTRA!!
    Alan Herbert would luv you to read…Candid Cuddles #1My Profile

    1. Agh man, this has made me laugh hard!! Scrooge who hates shopping and hates the people who sell the products hahaha – how did you fair out with doing the Christmas shopping?!! You must have been breaking out in boils 🙂 I’m like your wife, if I find say €50 in my pocket, it’s gonzo. Wine & Takeaway please nice nice 🙂 Cheers Alan #WineandBoobs (BTW – I was in my mid twenties with zero nips and it was the sports version of the Astra 🙂 )

  11. Haha love this! I think it must be something about financial types Ross as I’m with you. Qualified as a Financial Adviser and Mortgage Adviser, but I give approximately zero toots about my own finances. Never late with a payment or get myself into trouble don’t get me wrong. But if it’s shiny and I like it I will buy it in a heartbeat. I’m a lot better now, but in my twenties and early thirties I went to look at a total of 5 houses… and bought 4 of them! (One at a time of course – I’m not talking about a property portfolio here.) The hubby is a better influence on me though and he’s gradually getting me into more of a frugal shape. (Kind of?) #wineandboobs

    1. Wow!! You’re an IFA & an MA?! And there was me thinking I was out there paddling me own canoe !!! It’s strange isn’t it, no probs preparing a financial report covering everything from Pension to Income Protection & Life Cover etc for a client but think we’d do it for ourselves? Not likely!!! 5 Houses seen with 4 bought – bloody hell Dawn, even I didn’t do that so checker my very impressed hat tip for you 🙂 I did get myself into trouble with credit cards in my twenties but got them all straightened out and I haven’t had a credit card in 10 years. As Bruno Mars says “I’m a dangerous man with some money in my pocket’ (keep up!!) 🙂 Thanks a million, chat soon. #WineandBoobs

      1. Why thank you for the hat tipping! It is good to know that there are fellow financial people out there in blogland, as when I mention blogging in work type circles I just get blinked at. It seems like the two don’t tend to go hand in hand for some reason? 😉 Just popping back via #DreamTeam with a high five and a massive thank you for linking up with us! x

        1. Aghhh, I missed this comment Dawn!!! Sorry!! So you’re telling me that the always on ‘Suited & Booted, 9-5ers’ QFA/IFA’s don’t get blogging?!!! They are absolute polar opposites. It was the exact same when I moved from Pensions to Tech Start-Up – such a different world so I can completely understand the blinking you get when you talk about blogging 🙂 Thanks a million for popping back via a second linky #Dreamteam 🙂

  12. Ha I’m most definitely like you and the hubby is like your wife.He does the whole ‘I’ll take my time and come to an informed decision’ whereas I buy what I want.I work in sales too and I have in the past fallen for sales patter because I feel a bit sorry for them knowing they’re on commission.Daft I know!! #WineandBoobs

    1. Hehe, it’s funny isn’t it? I’ve a saying/tongue n’cheek belief that for a successful marriage, you need a ‘putter’ & a ‘leaver’. One side leaves stuff down and the other puts is away – Ying & Yang buzz. Two putters or two leavers will clash at some stage due to the imbalance. The same logic holds true with cash I think and judging from the comments so far, most if not all of the couples are the same, you & your good hubby included! As for the sales pattern/knowing they’re on commission, Oh God I hear ya. I’m a sucker for it. Knowledge is power……sometimes haha. Thanks for reading & commenting, Ross #WineandBoobs

  13. Avatar Nige says:

    Very funny post I once brought. A brand new car back in 2002 still driving it Thanks for linking to the #THAT FRIDAY LINKY come back next week please

    1. Cheers Nige!! It’s a great feeling driving a brand new car – not sure if I’ll ever get to do it again but it sure was sweet at the time!!! #ThatFridayLinky

  14. Avatar Lisa says:

    Fabulous post, had me in stitches! I am definitely more like your lovely wife. I am more than happy to spend money on the kids, but rarely buy anything for myself and feel guilty when I do. Sometimes I’d like to be more like you with the shopping and spending, but not sure I will ever manage it #ThatFridayLinky

    1. Hey Lisa, welcome to my part of the blogosphere!!! Had you in stitched?! Woo-Hooooo, I’m absolutely delighted to hear that!! Not saying it’s unique but I’m guessing my way of ‘product selection/purchase’ probably isn’t for everyone!! So I’ll say to you what I say to The Missus – ‘For Christ sakes, buy something for yourself!! You deserve it – do it, do it now – guilt free :-)’ hehe. Thanks a million for commenting, sharing & following me on Twitter!! Regards, Ross #ThatFridayLinky

  15. Avatar Emily says:

    Great post! When I shop, I tend to wander around the entire shop first, then go back picking up the bits I want! Thanks for linking up to #ThatFridayLinky
    Emily would luv you to read…Getting the garden ready for summerMy Profile

    1. Thanks Emily. It’s gas how we all have our own way/method of buying or more to the point – the mental process we go through in order to buy something!! Glad you liked it. Regards, Ross #ThatFridayLinky

  16. Avatar Dae says:

    Brilliant writing. I’m the shopper that can spend at least an hour and half walking around shop loading my arms down with great buys but by the time I get to the check out , there is a trail of goods put back in the wrong places The whole shopping trip dosn’t cost me a penny.

    1. You had me at ‘Brilliant Writing’ Dae!! We are very happy you are impressed – thank you. As for the rest of your comment, I’m gonna have to leave that to The Missus to reply as you’re clearly on her side of the shopping territory 🙂 !!! Thank you so very much for reading & commenting, regards, Ross. #TheStentedPapa

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